bAbYtUrQuOiSe

2010-12-26T23:36:00.001+03:00

We talked, we laughed...we joked around. It feels nice to be carefree and easy..even the day passes by beautifully. After a row, we talked it out. You would want me to be pro-active...think ahead...looking back for clues, investigating as would a detective.. looking to the source of it and coming up with a solution. I shall not stay down n defeated. I want to improve and continue to improve.
Though I'm weak and weary, I know Your rod and staff, they comfort me. Give me the strength and the courage...

2010-12-25T16:13:00.000+03:00

Its the season of giving...
It's the season of love...
It's the time to be merry...
Full of joy and love...

All I want for this season is to spend if with you..to have the joys multiplied and the sorrows divided.

Merry Christmas darling.....
and a Happy New Year up ahead...
Hurgzzz.
=)

2010-12-20T16:03:00.000+03:00

Christmas event just came and left. =)
Thanks for being there..
It was more than I could ever ask for.
For an evening of uninhibited restrictions..
For all the effort put in...
Thanks darling...
I love you lots.....
As for the promise you asked....
I promise.
<3

2010-12-11T09:04:00.000+03:00

I drove up and parked right up front. Whatever doubt of whether I could or not was thrown right out. I decide that myself. Not based on someone else. Walked in and saw you sitting there. I greeted you. Even though I got that cold front, its okay. I will not be affected by it. Walked on in and greeted the rest. I don't want to just wait for you to support me all the time in building on friendship. It is an effort I need to make on my own.
I braved it and showed myself that I can... and I know I have your silent support, even if you don't show it up front. We moved locations. You sat by me. Internally I was glad. Conversations went on and then the guy randomly joined out table. Somehow, my first instinct was to want to show that I am yours. I didn't feel comfortable with him sitting there... and I saw that you didn't like it either. I heard him asking for a stick... and I know you heard it too. I knew he wasn't going to get one. Even though I did feel pity that we responded in that manner, I was glad he left. I want to be around as I progress in making myself a better person. I know you will not hold back in sharing your mind. I am learning to share mine too. I know you say if we can work on it on our own then why do we need to be together. Yes we work on our individual spheres, but there are areas which we do overlap each other... and as we improve ourselves, we too improve our relationship. Together and individually, I know we can. I will not leave things to God just like that and expect everything to fall into place without doing something. Not that I am not let God take control, but I know that He will give me the wisdom and the strength to carry out His will through me. Thanks for pointing that out to me. And I constantly thank God for you in my life.
~ Thank you Hansen ~
*hurgzzz*

2010-12-11T08:14:00.002+03:00

Pondering back on my past life…
How ignorant was I… sheltered and covered and protected.
Never have I felt the pains of life, the hardship and the risk-takings…
That I took the things closest and dearest to me some-what for-granted…
I thought that Life would just roll along, smooth-sailing and risk-free…
Thought I had made the most of what I could be, that I didn’t take anything for-granted.
Oh how naïve and immature was my mind then!!!
Then Life shook me by the neck…
Waking me up from the blanket of ignorance and naivity…
He showed how much more to life there is to live…
That where I am is only but a fraction of what I am…
He taught me what it meant to love…
What it meant to live life…
What it is like to have risks and options laid out before your eyes…
He showed me how to stand by principles, not letting it go even in the face of adversity…
To stand tall and proud…
He also showed me what it is like to be disappointed…
What it is like to be hurt beyond despair…
How it feels to get desperate for something you’re passionate about…
He showed me the importance of trusting…
The value in actions, not only words…
But at that moment, I failed to see it clearly…
Failed to take note of the valuable lessons…
Failed to appreciate to the fullest extent what he has done…
I took for-granted time and seasons…
Even though I thought I had not.
It seemed like nothing got through.
Words repeated over and over again seemed like falling on deaf ears…
Lost beyond cause was this person, oblivious and delirious.
Hope gradually turned to Despair…
Despair closed the doors…
Walls were built, layer upon layer…
Higher and higher they grew…
But in the midst of all that,
A seed was planted… watered with time and deep-thinking…
Lots of patience and shakings…
Through the many tears and restless thoughts…
I started to see the bigger scene…
Oh, how disappointed was I in myself…
To see that I have not done anything at all…
That the past year, despite all that was given to me,
I have a lot more effort to pump in.

What have I done in the past years?
What have I achieved in myself?
Would I be able to go the distance in the continuity of the journey of life?
Have I prepared myself for the coming phases of that journey?
Can I actually stand up for what I believe in and live by it?

The past, dark and bleak…
Mistakes countless and unnumbered…
Each and everyone laid out and the consequences it brought…
Ashamed by how I have wasted my years away…
I sunk into the quicksand of hopelessness and sadness.
But to stay down from the despair would just allow defeat to take victory.
Now that I have known better, seen better, thought better,
I stand back on my feet with renewed vigour.
I will not repeat the same mistakes again.
Life is too short to not learn something from it.

Would I trust you still?
I have never lost trust in you, even when it seems like all hope is gone.
You gave me many occasions that would make another start to doubt…
But still, in all that, I have never let go of that trust.
Maybe it did start to falter a little.
But I got a hold of it and made a choice to still continue trusting.
I will weather the storm for it…
Withstand the gales…
Because you are worth every moment of it.

2010-12-09T08:25:00.000+03:00

Came by to pass some things...
Silence is still the same greeting call,
Yet i brave it all.
The purpose done, the aim achieved...
It still didnt feel like time to leave.
So I did what I needed to do...
Picked up my book and studied...
And fell asleep in the process. =S
Had a fleeting dream of you that woke me up in palpitations...
When you turned around and rolled over...
Reached out to share a brief kiss...
Then you had to leave for work...
And I drove back.
I realized that I didn't see something common today.
So I want to tell you...
That I'm SO proud of you.
Thank you for making the effort...
and that I love you too. =)

2010-12-08T19:03:00.000+03:00

Had the privilege to sit in on a conversation...
No pressure to participate in it...
Just being a third eye, watching in...
Or in this case, listening on...
While I was sitting there, I thought:
- What am I worth out there?
- Who do I want to be?
- Who do I see myself as right now?
- What am I doing with my life?
- Where am I going?
- Am I indispensable?
- Can I be better than where I am right now?
- What else have I missed out or do I need to do?
- Am I happy about all the above?

And suddenly, I felt agitated... that I was sitting there just listening in as the second-hand ticked away. I'm wasting precious moments in my life...there are things that still need to be done...so much more to life that what it is right now. With renewed vigor and a changed mentality, i bid farewell to the company. As streaks of tears flowed, I told myself to switch autopilot to manual. I need to do something!

2010-12-06T08:25:00.000+03:00

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the essence or conviction of things not seen. It is the tangible thing that makes what we still do not visibly see/touch/hear/sense with our human perceptions. It is what motivates and drives a person to keep going.
I have faith that out of our lives, great things will come to past. I believe it though I cant see it yet, but I know it will come to past. Do not let others look down on you because you are young; but be an example in life to all those who surround you, that they may see the difference in you, not because of what you have been through... but because of the One who lives within you. In Him all things are made perfect. Through Him, all things come together, the Big masterplan.
Will you submit every aspect of your life to Him... let Him take over and take control cos He knows the future? Or will you still hold on tightly to the reins and charge blindly ahead, not even knowing where the next bend would come?

2010-12-05T16:56:00.000+03:00

Many times you've mentioned to me about what it is that you're displeased with...
I know it is already too late to change the past...
But the future is still pliable.
Change isn't going to be instantaneous...
I want to be the perfect other half...
The one that can be relied on when the going gets tough...
The one you can pass the drivers seat to when things seems a little overwhelming...
The one that stands by you through thick and thin, sickness and health, joys and sorrows...
Right at this point in time, I see that there is a lot that I lack...
To better myself would require a lot of work and effort...
A strong and unbending stand...
That others can put their trust in me...
To grow up and be a true adult...
To rely fully on Him in every aspect of my life...
Knowing that He will bring to past that which He has planned for my life.
Life cannot just go on as it used to be.
For it to improve somethings have to change...
and that change starts with ME.

2010-12-05T01:21:00.001+03:00

You have strong principles..and you stick by them..dats what I admire of you. To stand one's ground does take more than just courage. It takes every bit of one's being into adhering to what you uphold. What about giving up something greater for something upfront that didn't meet your satisfaction? Is the goal the acceptance of human or the pleasure of Him who made us for Himself? It is hard to endure rejection.. but standing it out is far more rewarding in the long run.. is it visible to you?

2010-12-01T18:25:00.000+03:00

OUCH...Ouch...Ouch...
Maybe I deserved it.
Still, it hurts...I'm a human too.

2010-12-01T17:05:00.000+03:00

Planned to take Kyle home today... was waiting for the moment when no one realizes it...that I could steal him away... saved lest for the moment it was mentioned. The words... hard and cold. It stings when its put that way... maybe I do need to hear it in such a manner. But to say that I don't feel dat way... it hurts. Dats all that there is to it... it does hurt. But because it hurts I know that it's there... and so it drives me to persevere... to hold on in there... and each day I pray for strength to withstand another day.
Was in the Yellow zone on my first morning shift... and I saw a housing brochure of a near-by developing area lying on the cart. It had the layout of the different housing styles... the compounds... the side-dishes that came with it... and amongst them, the prices for each one of them. In that split second, my mind went into imagination of what it would be like... our own house... a little cosy one we would call home. Raise kids...make meals...have friends over...lil get-aways... Ever since it was mentioned from that few weeks past, it has been on the back benches of the spaces between my ears. Right then, gears started clicking how we would work it out... starting for right now... we can always aim high and set achievable goals, right? We could slowly make it work. I'm sure we can, right?
Are you in?

2010-11-28T15:19:00.000+03:00

There you go making my heart beat again...
There you go making me feel like a kid again...
There you go pulling me right back in...
You and me, baby, we're stuck like glue.

2010-11-27T17:46:00.002+03:00

Running through the sea of faces, i looked high and low. Scared. Nothing seemed familiar. Despair. I searched all the usual places, only failing to see the familiar outline i always knew. Trepidation. Not wanting to be seen, in stealth I disguised my path. Yet it felt like i stood out like a thorn... an eyesore. Safety was the last thing on my mind. Then I thought again. Sigh. Not wanting to cause more hurt than I already had, especially if I was seen, I retreated my steps to the little vehicle that I came in. Regret. With deep sorrow, I drove off. I was sure I wasn't spotted. But I was disappointed I didnt have enough guts to finish my mission. What would befall me if I got caught? But I didnt want to generate more pain...I have caused enough of it to last a lifetime. Would I ever get to redeem myself?
Tiredness has caught up with me. I am not myself anymore. Dozing off on conversations that mean more than the world to me?? How did it come to that? To have a heart for others and in the process loose my own heart? How can that be? Slaving away day and night, to gain an art but in that process, loose all that I care about...? I detest myself... I detest what I have become... Would I change it given the power to turn back time?
You wish you hadnt met me, known me...? Words are powerful...a double edged sword. They contain authority. Once sent forth, doesnt return void. I wouldnt hurt you with my words...no matter how much edge it has...cos you mean much more to me than that. But do you see yourself that way?
Thunderstorms are overhead...pouring like the days of Noah. *sigh* Maybe I'll just let it rain first...Nothing I do seems to be going right...What is it that you see in me that I cant seem to see in myself?=S

2010-10-18T11:21:00.000+04:00

Sitting here in silence..
With only d still air encompassing..
I sit in wait for the one that holds my heart..
Oh the pain that patience brings..
I feel my heart skip a beat..
As my mind wonders how his face radiates..
It's been a little too long since I last saw it..
I trace the air as I mark out the curve dat makes up his smile..
And imagine breathing in a waft of his scent..
How intoxicating, I can barely breathe..
As I lift my hands to touch the skin so filled with warmth..
Stretch the palms apart and note the empty spaces between..
How beautiful it would be...having those long slender fingers between them...
As I clasp it close into a fist and hold it close to my heart.
Owh you that brings joy to my soul..
The very thought of you sends a tingle up my back...
Imagining how you hug me tight..
The promise of never letting go..
I miss you so much..so so much..
You cloud my mind..
fill my heart..
saturate my soul..
How do I tell you how much I feel for you?
how do I show how much you mean to me?
Close my eyes and observe my world in the dark..
Hey thre,lil ray of light..shining bright..
Can I have a moment with you tonight?
*7th October 2010
9:37pm, QCB 3714*

2010-08-29T14:59:00.002+04:00

Sitting in silence as the world passes me by...

Hear the winds rustle among the trees...

An old man clings to his papers, snug under his arm, a little tighter...

Clouds of grey start to hover over the horizon...

Little wisps of cool breeze dissipates the heat of the roaring sun...

Soon, little teardrops from heaven start to fall...

Slowly building up its intensity...

Across the street, children playing in care-free wonder start dismissing themselves home...

A teenage boy utters a swear-word, cursing the on-coming weather...

A mother clutches her child closer, opening an umbrella in anticipation...

A father hurriedly gets into his car, speeding off into the traffic of the evening...

A grandfather picks up his speed on the bicycle, trying to make it home before its too late...

Out on the balcony, drying clothes are quickly gathered into the house...

A young lady's face lights up in delight...

As her lover frowns in the prospect of getting wet...

Some of the village children start their rally...

Gathering more company for a swim in the big drains...

In the fields, the football match fights on...

Rain or shine, determination for victory untainted.

Gradually, the gentle drizzle turns into a heavy downpour...

Pedestrians scuttle into the shades taking cover...

Owh, the magnificiency of the human character...

One action. many reactions.

What would your choice be?

2010-08-19T17:03:00.004+04:00

There are days when you make me few like there is nothing separating heaven and earth... that everything is possible.. that the world is on the end of a string, tied around my finger. There was so much that I could do with life itself and living was in life itself.

Then there are also days when it feels like I got hit by a bus, rolled under a bulldozer, drowned in the big blue ocean...spiraled down under to emerge on the other side of the globe. There would be no where else that I would rather be... than curled up in bed nursing my shattered soul.

Two extremes of the same spectrum... both in your control.

2010-07-29T18:50:00.002+04:00

"I'd Rather Be With You"

Sittin' here, on this lonely dock

Watch the rain play on the ocean top

All the things I feel I need to say

I can't explain in any other way

I need to bold

Need to jump in the cold water

Need to grow older with a girl like you

Finally see you were naturally

The one to make it so easy when you show me the truth

Yeah, yeah I'd rather be with you

Say you want the same thing too

Now here's the sun, come to dry the rain

Warm my shoulders and relieve my pain

You're the one thing that I'm missing here

With you beside me I no longer fear

I need to bold

Need to jump in the cold water

Need to grow older with a girl like you

Finally see you were naturally the one to make it so easy when you show me the truth

Yeah, yeah I'd rather be with you

Say you want the same thing too

I could have saved so much time for us

Had I seen the way to get to where I am today

You waited on me for so long

So now, listen to me say

I need to bold

Need to jump in the cold water

Need to grow older with a girl like you

Finally see you were naturally the one to make it so easy when you show me the truth

Yeah, yeah I'd rather be with you

Say you want the same thing too

Say you feel the way I do.

*5!y7 p_|v3y ! u3ym noh =|0 7o7*

2010-07-22T19:23:00.002+04:00

thanks for today...

for the spontaneity...

for the unexpected fun...

for doing what you do best...

bringing out the best in me...

showing me a lil bit more of life in life itself....

making days count...

seem better and brighter....

2010-07-16T17:04:00.002+04:00

Interlinks...

one atop another...

the never ending sign on sides...

So far yet on wisps of clouds...

Who knew what something once upon a time could do...

What goes around comes around people said...

so what went around then?

To have it grilled out on flames...

scrutinized without seasoning...

yet to array the salt and pepper would mean disregard to the chef...

ending in tastelessness...

Would it be better to just leave it?

Bite the bullet or stand in the firing range?

Bilosucroseness...

can it be digested away?

i guess its part and parcel of the unbeaten track...

Sunshine through the rain...

Glimmery shining rays...

warm and comforting...

Hope of a new dawn...

alightin lighter spirits...

To soar again on wings of eagles...

Taking flight in majesty...

When that moment arives...

2010-04-11T17:35:00.002+04:00

There comes a day when one feels extremely thankful...

The day that makes one ponder in wonder...

The very day that the world seems to swirl in crayon color...

That one day that makes every other day worth the while...

That day....

When it comes...

Don't ever let it go.

2010-04-05T18:17:00.002+04:00

There are many days when one is bought down to the very core of pondering....

Thinking about a million and one things...

High and low, Vast and wide...

Yet what can transcend the beauty of being brought back to the reminder of how great Thou art...

Time and time again, we take matters into our own hands...

Expecting things with a targetable achievement...

But how far can one really see with one's eyes?

Relying on Him to make things happen...

Looking to Him for strength...

Those were once my virtues...

Now I look them scarce in the eye...

Where have I detoured?

How did I leave that untrodden track?

More than anything else, I want what You want...

To do what You want me to do...

Deep down inside, I know its welling within...

Yet, human nature seems to be taking over that which was supposed to be surrendered to You...

Show me how...

Teach me, guide me...

For I know not which path is best...

Search me... Try me...

Know my thoughts...

Let me be of use to You...

Your Instrument.

2010-04-03T17:43:00.002+04:00

To be able to hold u close...

To close my eyes and feel u near...

To be near you and just get lost in your arms....

*exhales...*

2010-03-21T18:50:00.001+03:00

TOTALLY

ADDICTED

YOU.....

2010-03-16T14:42:00.001+03:00

Curiosity.

Curiosity killed the cat...

Curiosity burned the hand...

Curiosity scalded the finger...

Thus, making a rational deduction, Curiosity was never meant to end up with smth good. Curiosity was to end with a grave reminder that whatever it was that aroused that particular feeling was not smth that one wud wanna have. Well, out of THIS particular Curiosity came smth dat was fairly borderline.

Addiction.

Addiction to alcohol...

Addiction to smoking...

Addiction to drugs...

Addiction seems to not be in the list of smth good. Maybe it was never meant to be good… one cant have TOO MUCH of smth… nor TOO LITTLE… but an addiction is to be dependent on smth… to be controlled by it… not able to live without it…

But then, how come from the midst of smth that was meant to be bad… come smth so beautiful… irreplaceable… something worth more than the value of the whole world put together… how did THAT come about?

Never have I understood how things happened the way it did. Never in a zillion years would I have ever imagined ANYTHING close to this very moment in time… yet NEVER would I want to trade it for ANYTHING in this world.

Ubiquisity… that’s what you have been to me…

In everything I do…

In everything I see…

In everything I touch and smell…

Whatever it started off as…

Whatever it was meant to be…

Whatever it was supposed to turn out…

Whatever it is…

I’m thankful for it…

For every moment to see that smile…

For every second to hear that voice…

For every occasion to discern that tender loving care…

For every chance to find something to improve on…

Something to work on…

Something to laugh about…

Something to remember down the road…

Something that makes that silver lining behind the dark grey clouds of fear and doubt…

Something that makes things never the same as they were before…

Something that emulates forth a better me…

A better you…

A better us.

2010-02-12T18:25:00.003+03:00

Of all days to pull a surprise, as if rushing against the falling sands of time... yet, all in perfect harmonic timing... what else can I say about it? =)

A big plastic wrapped flora and a rectangular contraption filled with 'HUGS' and 'KISSES'... enclosing within its cavity, a smaller contraption filled with more sentiments than anything else I can ever think of... *thank you*

Didn't ask for anything... didn't want anything more than the mere presence... nothing more than a nice warm hug and a long cuddle with a midnight stroll along the beach... never imagined that the products of the braincells in my head would be surpassed by another... one that goes to far greater and higher heights that mine would... its great, cos that will push me to go even further... even higher... even greater than ever before... treading on areas never ventured before. =)

A thousand words cannot express...

Cannot comprehend...

Fail beyond all measures to quantify...

Every single little detailed bit of what I would like to say...

Of what dwells within...

The very silent whisper of every single fibre...

Collectively bringing together all efforts to articulate in a hundred and one ways...

All in all, just to try and express the gratitude..

the appreciation..

the feelings that well up inside...

*h8v8 'noh 3^07 1*

2010-02-06T16:42:00.003+03:00

Tell me again the story...

Right from the very beginning...

Of how it all began...

What made you decide so...

What caught your attention...

How did it make you feel...

How did you react...

I love to hear it over and over again...

Can't seem to get bored of it...

Makes me think...

Makes me wonder...

Makes me ponder in deep thought...

2010-01-29T15:56:00.002+03:00

Every second seems like an eternity when you're not around...

Yet eternity seems to flash by in a split second when you are...

You make the snow fall in summer...

and flowers bloom in winter...

When I'm with you everything else fades into the shadows...

When you're not around nothing seems to fit...

Have you ever felt this way before?

The way the thought plays through your head...That when you lie down at night to sleep flashbacks from the very first day start to replay like a movie... and you drift off into a dream so surreal you wish you didn't have to wake up... but when you do, you find that it could come true... that nothing is impossible... that someday, just maybe it might come to pass.

Thanks for everything you've ever done...

From the very least to the greatest of them all...

How can I ever phantom the depth of it all...

To call myself blessed is an understatement...

It feels SO MUCH more than that...

And so...

All I can do for now...

Is to be just me...

and thank God every single day for this wonderful blessing...

For this opportunity to sow into another's life the same way that was sown into mine...

For now, these words would have to suffice....

Thank You.

2010-01-15T17:32:00.002+03:00

Its been 2 mths.... 61 days... hasn't been all smooth-sailing and easy.. but we've made it so far... bit by bit... every moment a gift in itself.. every second invaluable... everyday a new beginning for opportunities to create something more beautiful than the day before... another day to appreciate the very essence of living... the very gift of life... one baby step at a time... cos it's not the final destination that matters... but the journey of which it was reached.

For every little step,

I thank God for you.

2010-01-14T14:37:00.002+03:00

What happened today was something so out of the blue. No one saw it coming, no one thought it through. But then its one of those things that ones have to go through... and to come out the other end stronger, more victorious than before. Its those things that you kinda blame technology for destroying.

for everything...

baby, I'm sorry.

For everything else...

I'm sure we can find some time to talk it through

Hurgzzz...

2010-01-01T19:21:00.003+03:00

A new year has dawned...

A whole new beginning...

One to share...

One to learn...

One to create...

Together we venture into the unknown...

Who knows where we'll end up...

But that's just a small matter...

What's more important is the journey...

So...

All I want for 2010 is...

To strive for the very best from us...

To make more memories...

To live for the moment as it comes...

To cherish every second we have...

To be self-less and more thoughtful...

To love and let love...

to infinity and beyond!!!

2009-12-28T17:13:00.002+03:00

I'm at a lost of words to say...

Its been such a great ride I so wanna stay...

You make me happy...

you drive me wild...

You make me feel like a child.

I am myself when I'm around you...

Forget the world when you look into my eyes...

You make me see the silver lining behind every dark cloud

Even before the rain starts to pour...

The courage to stand a lil taller...

Strength to fight a lil harder...

Love to conquer any boulder...

Hope to see through the rest of the future...

the grass isnt only greener...

it can change to ANY color you want it to be...

Endless possibilities...

Nothing is impossible unless untried.

For all the things done and words said...

You have changed my world 180...

turning it all around, not even leaving a stone untouched.

How did it ever get this far?

I haven't the slightest idea.

All I can say is that...

It is all part of the Master's plan.

*31, Stutong Avenue*

10:32 pm

2009-12-16T13:42:00.003+03:00

I've always said that its the company that makes ALL the difference. And I'v proven it YET again.... =)

Its been a Month, yesterday, since that Saturday night car-ride half way across the world and back... with a lil heart to heart talk... lol...

The evening was spent having McD's for dinner... chill-out... and a movie to top it all up. Sounds too simple?? I couldn't ask for more. It was such an enjoyable evening. =) *thanks baby...*

As for the month that has passed.... well... all i can say is that I have been educated... with a broadened view on life... still learning new things everyday... and I guess I too, have taught a lil bit here and there. It never ceases to amaze me that all my pre-conceived ideas in the past is being changed bit by bit... all the things I thought were impossible... is being shown to me that it IS possible... that there ARE such exceptions... such situations.. such people.

The moments created are too priceless to tag a figure.... I won't want to trade it for anything. Still looking up to the One up above for the Master plan... wondering where this all fits in.

for now... I'll just be contented... and let Him take over. =)

2009-11-15T16:52:00.001+03:00

CHASING CARS (IF I LAY HERE)

We'll do it all

Everything

On our own

We don't need

Anything

Or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words

Are said too much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads

I need your grace

To remind me

To find my own

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

*yea... I would...*

2009-11-12T07:19:00.003+03:00

I don’t know but I think I maybe

Fallin’ for you, dropping so quickly

Maybe I should keep this to myself

Waiting ’til I know you better

I am trying not to tell you

But I want to

I’m scared of what you’ll say

So I’m hiding what I’m feeling

But I’m tired of

Holding this inside my head

I’ve been spending all my time

Just thinking about ya

I don’t know what to do

I think I’m fallin’ for you

I’ve been waiting all my life

And now I found ya

I don’t know what to do

I think I’m fallin’ for you

I’m fallin’ for you

As I’m standing here and you hold my hand

Pull me towards you and we start to dance

All around us, I see nobody

Here in silence, it’s just you and me

I’m trying not to tell you

But I want to

I’m scared of what you’ll say

So I’m hiding what I’m feeling

But I’m tired of

Holding this inside my head

*could it be so?

maybe you already know...

maybe not...*

2009-11-05T01:46:00.002+03:00

There's something in the air but she can't seem to put her finger on what. The pain on her foot still prevents her from taking up the speed she's used to...despite all the amount rubbing and grinding from her stubby digits. The night was taken up by a planned encounter with a friend of a friend.. who happens to be a really close friend. Now, how would you feel about calling it a day after a lazy day at work, an evening nap... dinner.. a cake bubbling in the oven... and a cup of hot mochaccino just before turning into bed? lol... I'd call it a day well spent in my dictionary.

Speaking about that lazy job of hers... who wouldn't want to trade places with me for where I am right now? Albeit the long delay at the end of the day in completion of the whole period, I SO wouldn't wanna give up the place I am in right now for ANYTHING!! Talk about being in my comfort zone... I am almost SO well protected I couldn't build a better hedge around myself if i wanted to!

Then there's the other side of the human population. How would one know if it is what it is meant to be or not? Is there a guideline or a manual that I can read to find out? I mean... its great he makes me laugh.. he makes me cringe in happy anger... So far its almost all I could ever ask for... as if my mind was an open book and ever part of it well read and memorized. But then, could it be too good to be true? He's the last thing at night and the first thing in the morning... and yet it has just been.. what... just over a week? How is it possible that one can do two totally different things to an almost similar situation? Would that make one a hypocrite? Or is it a choice of mother nature... written in the winds and the stars... and the sand and the seas?

Life is made up of little choice. What you decide for yourself today would take effect even many many years into the future. It is not something one can ever erase... for it then, is carved into stone as the ticking minute passes.

I want to live my life to its fullest. That much I know.

2009-03-09T21:24:00.002+03:00

What I love about being back?
The feel of the wheel beneath my fingers..
The slide of the leather after a corner...
The thrill of speed at my fingertips...
Ohh... the feeling of driving again...
It is just so exciting!! So free...

2009-02-07T20:03:00.002+03:00

The past few days has been really taking its toll on me. My heart feels so heavy... I know why... but I can't do anything about it. It's way out of my powers. Maybe others also know about it... but then refuse to do anything about it. I guess that's the way it's going to be from now on. But why does it have to be so? My sleep has been cut short ever since February rolled in... and no more am I enjoying the comforts of life. Now that graduation has come and gone, there is a whole new road ahead of me. But at the moment, I don't really want to take it yet, for one reason or another. Yet it is inevitable. Life must go on... I want to move on... to be better... to achieve higher... to grow stronger... Yet right at this point in time, I can't seem to get a hold of myself. The one lifejacket that was buoying me afloat is making me sink and drown. Other lifejackets are too far out or reach... but i guess it was my fault too. My own mindsets. Owh gosh... if only I could go back in time... isn't that the wish of a lot of people? God knew better than to let men have that ability. I guess its just that we have to move on with the changing tides... the shore is never the same twice.
But.. owh... if only anyone could see the hurt and pain in here... I guess it doesn't have to be many. But I can't be so selfish can I? Who am I to demand that of others? I gotta get out of this... Lord, help me get out of this selfish rut!! I need help and I'm not ashamed to say it. I need YOUR help cos I can't do it on my own. Everything seems to be bleak and grey... I am in a total mess... I feel like crap and seem to be depressing everything around me instead of shining for You. I know there is much better things that these to come. You always have a way of making the greatest things out of rejects and failures. So here's a reject and a failure... may she be something great in Your hands... cos she knows she can't do anything on her own.
Lift her spirits up and grant her the ability to smile from her heart... to shine for You!!! *AmeN*

2009-01-12T20:27:00.002+03:00

Have you ever had that feeling of foreboding... or one of deja-vu... where-by someone describes smth and you can identify immediately with that person cos you've been there before? I had that again... and so memories of old came flooding back... and here i am... left with myself to brood it over... the songs that lullaby me to sleep... the thought of what it was like when everything was going my way... but it also brought back reminders of how dumb i was to throw it all away... indecisiveness... lack of character... and so... now i'm left with basically just me, myself and I. *sigh*
onto better thoughts... Finished 2 'papers' out of 9 from my Final State Attestation Exams... "Gos" they call it here... short of "Gosudarstvenie" which is Russian for State. MCQs over... Therapy practical skills over... tomorrow is O&G practical skills... then Surgery practical skills on Thursday... then Tasks on Saturday.... then its d written papers de!! then... its OVER!! YAY!!!
I am stoked... can't wait for the family to get over here... to see where i have lived for the past 6 years... and where i spend m y time... how i live the harshest of winters.. hahahaha....
Then, i cant wait to go back and go on shoppin spree after shoppin spree with my best friend... and also help her prepare for her wedding which is in June... I'm so honored to be appointed 'Maid of Honor' for her big day... and I wanna just take a moment to congratulate her... wish her all the best in life... and all.. *shall not say everything... save some for the speech on that night... hehehehe lol...*
Anyway, I'm happy for her... I'm excited too... and I can't wait for my turn to come... so many things that are yet to come... *giggles* life is FULL of surprises!!! heheheeh.... well, taking it one step at a time... and leaving everything to the Big Guy up there... He knows what's best... and I'm sure I'm getting nothing but the VERY BEST!!
Ok... Now, for the next of the many baby steps to reaching the peak.... I gotta go study or smth. Adios.....=)

2008-12-06T15:30:00.002+03:00

Deja vu in another body....

All the things I see happen has happened before...

maybe the players are different...

But the gameplay is the same...

I know the strategies behind it...

I see the loopholes...

But the final outcome is still uncertain.

So what am I saying?

Nothing passes me by unnoticed...

As much as it doesn't mean much to anyone...

Yet because I know....

That makes all the difference.

No matter what I do to remove that knowledge...

It is there, inputed into the memories of time...

Would I want to remove it if it was an option?

Sometimes I wished I never knew...

Sometimes I wished I was not me...

Sometimes all I wanted is for it all to rewind again...

But regret is a potent poison...

Not to be allowed to dwell...

For now, to take it one step at a time...

Living in the 'Today' rather than 'Yesteryears'...

Nor in the 'Tomorrows' that are neverending...

To hold my head up high, chest out, shoulders straight...

And with all the love that can be mustered out...

To try the very best to make the most of what there is...

Today is all there is...

There was a zillion things I should've done differently...

A million words I should've said...

But it all is not important anymore...

There is two sides to every coin...

The choise to be the head or the tail is in our hands.

Maybe then living life will make all the difference...

I think its safe to say "I know..."

Cos nothing tells it more than what one calls.....

EXPERIENCE.

2008-07-18T21:02:00.002+04:00

Went for youth today... it was great to see all the lil ones all so spirited. There was once a time I was there too. Dunno if I wanna stay in that time again... young and carefree... or be where I am right now... well, life aint that carefree... but I guess I do enjoy the me now too... of all the things I have been though the past year itself is more than enough to fill a book!
The grace to sustain through it all was just amazing. =)

2008-07-15T19:14:00.002+04:00

Growin Up...

I've been back for less than a week already... and my days have so far been pretty full. Its nice to have something to do.. or someone to talk to especially when all your friends are all away. Thank God Lis & Lin are here... Lis every year without fail has been accompanyin me especially on Mondays... "LaLa's day".. lol... and lately, Lin has been around to join us... and also with the honor of having Ray in company too. Once in a while, we wud haf d high pleasure of havin the presence of Gab... hmm.. the only missing link is gNet... and if favourable, Kian too! ahh... dat would be D-Day!! lol...
But people grow up... things change... and all around, people are talking of settling down. Hmm...how does one choose? How does one know if it is THE right one? What are the signs? Sooner or later, its just inevitable. I've heard about people ready to tie the knot, yet just weeks before, call it off and thats it. Some are so close to even a few days before... and then months later, news is that the person found another which eventually became THE ONE... scary... to think that ANYTHING can happen...
On a lighter note... hmm... after all the movies we're been shown.. and the different ways of being proposed to... it does make one wonder (and in the process spoiling what could be a gud surprise) about the different ways that one can possibly be proposed with... lol... and the danger of it is that one's imagination is so great that when the real one happens.. it's probably short of what the imagination could do. LOL...
anyway, save it for another day....

2008-07-10T17:21:00.002+04:00

Are you a nice guy who has always wondered why the cocky guy -- the one who barely appears interested in the girl -- is usually the one who gets the girl? Have you suffered from hearing the words, "You're a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend," from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for -- only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she's nothing special? And are you stumped wondering why she would date a guy who treats her like that when she could have you who would treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants? Well, you better brace yourself because I'm going to tell you a couple of secrets that you might not want to hear.

First, "nice" equates with boring and predictable. Look up "nice" in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average -- not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy.

I'll bet you've never heard a woman say she didn't want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting -- have you? But, I'll bet you have heard women say things like, "He's such a nice guy. He's so sweet and he's always there for me, but I only like him as a friend." Or, "He's such a good guy -- kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal -- but there's no chemistry. He just doesn't turn me on." Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won't work.

Please understand that I am not suggesting that you mistreat women or disrespect them in way. What I suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more. What I suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more.

To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, "Why does the guy who doesn't appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?" is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much -- all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman's attention, affection, and approval -- and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes. After all, if he's already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything - why would she value him? She won't. She is not going to value him any more than he values himself. What she is going to do is look for someone else, someone who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident, and more valuable.

It works like this: Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it's outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value.

Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's human nature.

The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything -- his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman's response or reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't always available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I'd like to go out with you, but if I can't, that's OK -- I'm a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options.

2008-07-10T14:58:00.002+04:00

BITTER SWEET

Life is just the way it is....

Things happen,

Things come and go...

And you never really know...

There was a time it felt right...

Then tables turned...

Winds changed...

Course shifted...

Now lost in the midst of uncertainty...

Patience...

Only time will tell.

*sigh*

2008-06-05T14:09:00.002+04:00

She heard the winds hollow today...

For a moment, time froze in midair.

The same wind brought refreshing air

Yet also a tinge of destruction...

She smiled silly over the thought...

That nonsense could make perfect sense:

Some may hear but they may not understand...

And look but do not see...

Hopes hanging by the thread...

Looking to the sun she saw its rays...

Yes, there's Hope...

If there's Faith...

And of course, Love.

*For ALL things work for the good of those who LOVE Him... ;)*

2008-06-02T23:03:00.001+04:00

Been raining lately... and its that time of the year again where people sit at their desks diligently peering into an open book... irregardless of whether anything is goin in or not... yeah.. exam period is back again... and this time, there is also that BIG paper that will determine the placement of the "M.D." at the end of people's names. Sounds like it will be a long long month... but time does fly by really fast... so.. just wanna wish y'all sitting for the GOS exams...

All the Best...

Favor goes before you...

You have the mind of Christ... =)

Last weekend, we had a graduation party for the graduates.... pretty awesome to see everyone dressed up... looking stunning and all...

I detest to think about that time when we have to leave to go back for summer holidays knowing somewhere behind there that when we return back in September, the face of this place will change with the absence of certain people that make life here the way it is right now... it will feel like loosing a limb... or smth liddat.. *sigh* (so not looking forward to that...)

Although its not like I wont be seeing them ever again... but the fact that its miles and miles apart... that there is definitely 0% probability to meet in the hospitals or on the bus.. or in the streets... *eeeeee...*

But that is the way life goes... unevitable... and soon it will be my turn to leave this place... to leave my comfort zone into a world of unknowns... a world which i have been trying to push out of my mind for a long time... a world where I have to bear responsibilities like an adult..... a world where i AM an adult.... *hmmm*

2008-05-28T00:26:00.002+04:00

Hold me,

Never let me go...

Change me,

I want the world to know...

You are

Living in me

God, I know

You'll never let me go...

2008-04-27T22:23:00.002+04:00

God's Letter to Women...

When I created the heaven and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man, because your nostrils are too delicate.

I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone, I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects man's life. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him,as you are meant to do.

Around this one bone, I shaped you....... I modeled you.I created you perfectly and beautifully. Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile.You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the centre of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life.The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man as the rib cage supports the body.

You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.You are my perfect angel..... You are my beautiful little girl.

You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart.Your eyes... don't change them. Your lips, how lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose, so perfect in form. Your hands so gentle to touch. I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep. I've held your heart close to mine.

Of all that lives and breathes, you are most like me. Adam walked with me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you; my Holiness, my Strength, myPurity, my Love, my Protection and Support.

You are special because you are an extension of me. Man represents my image, woman my emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God.

So man...... treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile. In hurting her, you hurt me. What you do to her, you do to me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart; the heart of your Father, and the heart of her Father. Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle quietness, show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.

Did you not know that a WOMAN is special in God's eyes?

2008-04-18T15:25:00.000+04:00

*untitled*

The rustling of breath, the tingle up the spine…
The feeling of warmth which can’t be defined…
One second more and it would be crushing…
Yet a moment less would be terribly denying…
No words to describe it; they couldn’t do it justice.
Thoughts bounced off the walls of the mind
Though nothing made sense.
Dull yet exhilarating …
Terrified yet audacious …
Subtle yet evident ...
Agreeing yet denying…
Silent yet deafening …
Still yet full of motion…
Thrilled yet perturbed…
Lingering yet withdrawing…
Then the spell broke.
Times up.
The moment passed.
The world continued to spin on axis.
Life continues…
That’s just the way it is.

2008-04-18T15:20:00.002+04:00

Confidence Despite Weaknesses

Hmm.. last night’s cell, we spoke about confidence and insecurities. J shared using Gideon as an example… (called him the ‘chicken’.. lol… *mind whirled into motion*) =P
Then we shared about what made people look confident to us… some said it was the way they walked, others said it was how loud they spoke. Some even said that the strengths that they portrayed was just a cover-up of their weakness underneath.
After all that discussion and sharing, we spoke about ways we could increase confidence or avoid the lack there-of. So, being the nice person I am, I’ll share what we shared with you… hehehehe…
1. THINK POSITIVE
You gotta know who you are… being sure of yourself is important to a strong foundation of what you think you are capable of
2. TALK TO SOMEONE
Not just anyone… someone who is capable of giving good advice.. Godly advice… someone that you can be accountable to is even better. Sharing is caring… and problems and weaknesses are no exception!! =)
3. THINK OF 10 GOOD THINGS EVERYTIME YOU THINK OF 1 BAD THING
This would train you to look more on the positive side… looking for the best in others… well, that’s what love is all about anyway… right? =P It’s so easy to look at others’ inability we tend to ignore their capabilities and the fact of how blessed we are to have them around. After awhile, we realize that trying to think of 10 good things about people we dislike is kinda tiring that we kinda avoid thinking about the bad altogether and strive to find that speck of good.
4. AVOID COMPARISON
Comparisons just brings condemnation… either upon oneself or another. When we compare, only 1 of 2 things can happen. Either we see others better than us and thus feel incompetent…or we see ourselves better than the other… thus making us feel proud. And as they say, pride comes before a fall. Either way, the outcome is pretty much looking down.We are all different… unique…special. As some say, its pretty much equivalent to comparing a boat and a pencil. To say that one is better than the other is pretty much insane… not to say its probably a characteristic of a “psy” patient!!
Besides that, to compare is to decrease personal standards. Instead of striving towards the best, comparing justifies at just being better than another. It isn’t necessarily the best you can be… and that is definitely below the average that God has for us!!! The example we had was that we may compare our results from an exam and be glad that we got a pass while the rest failed. But a pass is just a pass. It isn’t what we should strive for. It is the distinction mark that we should be looking towards.
5. FOCUS ON POTENTIALS; NOT LIMITATIONS
We were given the grace to accomplish that which we were made to do. Not more, not less. Striving to what God has for us is to achieve that which we are made to be. To look at limitations is to say that God is insane to think so highly of us and that it is impossible!
6. REMEMBER : Confidence is not covering up a weakness but rather, the assurance of that which is really you… not letting anyone shake you off… and not falter from the words of others.

Well, these are just the few points that we thought of in the short time that we had. If anyone has anything to add, feel free to contribute…=P

2008-03-16T15:32:00.002+03:00

CNY Concert

Was a blast of a time last night... I had fun... enjoyed myself... enjoyed the excitement and exhiliaration... the adrenaline rush... the look into your eyes... *sigh*

Now that its over... life is back to what it was before... maybe a little bit more... with the memory of yesterday still running freshly through my mind.

Thanx for all the times sacrificed... the excitement of everyday... the everything!!

*sigh*

Didn't want it to be over yet don't think I could live with it forever either... one or the other.... life has taken its course....

*I'll cya around then....*

2008-03-14T00:31:00.002+03:00

SPA Interview for Medical Officer

Talk about FAVOR!!!
I really owe this one BIG TIME to d big guy up there.... without His help, I dont think i would even hire myself!! Gosh...
Really feel under-prepared for this interview... it was in English (thank GOD!!)... and it was a good jerk to reality that its time to really buck up twice as hard and thrice as smart... or else.. its a harsh blow to the face of reality! But most of all, watching those that came out from my board with the long face or the grumpy expression... that totally didnt help boost any confidence i had left. But thanks to those that still kept my head up high even when I tried to hide it low... for the pat on the back and the hugs... and the shoulder to lean on... I am eternally grateful! Most of all, for the favor that always goes before me... the one that causes the panel to not be able to but just be nice to me... even after all that I have heard about my board, I think I can fully digress!! I totally love my panel... that they were really encauraging, making my interview a pleasantly enjoyable one although I barely could answer the tough Medical questions given. And to be told at the end that all I needed was just a little bit more confidence in myself... i couldn't agree more! Praise and glory to Him who sustains my very breath!!
After all said and done, I am totally thankful and grateful that I passed... why not...I'm a government servant grade UD41 when I graduate!!! hehehehe....
*thanks for being there... even though you would've been there anyway...you had to...=P*

2008-03-13T00:12:00.002+03:00

Esok Interview SPA lerr...
Mereka kata Interview dalam BM.. Macam mana lah? walaupun BM saya dulu dapat A1.. tapi 7 tahun tak guna langsung...A1 pun boleh jadi E8 la.... haih.....Tapi mereka kata... jangan putus asa... Fikirkan Boleh!!! hahahah...
Maka, dengan itu, saya kenalah pergi hafal Rukun Negara, Lagu Kebangsaan... Senarai Menteri Menteri Kabinet and yang terutama, nama Yang Di-Pertuan Agung kita yang teramatlah panjang itu... walaupun kemungkinan ditanya amatlah tipis. hehehehe...
Lagilah dengan penyakit-penyakit berjangkit yang tidak terhingga... aihh.. letih lah mata saya... esok cepat cepat selesaikan dan pergi makan... biar habis tak payah lenggah. hehehe... Saya rasa lebih awal kan lebih baik. Lagi lama ditunda, lagi gempak pula rasanya.
Macam mana lah nak fikir perkataan-perkataan Medik yang.... Tuhan tolong lah saya!!!!!!

2008-03-10T22:26:00.001+03:00

Watch your THOUGHTS,

They become Words.

Watch your WORDS,

They become Actions.

Watch your ACTIONS,

They become a Habit.

Watch your HABITS,

They make your CHARACTER!!

2008-03-09T18:47:00.002+03:00

YOU ARE...

You are...

The love of my life,

You are...

The hope that I cling to,

You mean...

More than this world to me.

I wouldn't trade You...

For Silver or Gold,

I wouldn't trade You...

For treasures untold,

You are...

You are my everything!

2008-03-09T13:17:00.002+03:00

Love Unconditionally...

That was what the theme of the sermon in service last night. Really reminded me again and again that this is what REAL love is all about. Not picking sides, irregardless of situations, emotions or strength... to love in ALL circumstances. It is not easy, I must admit. There are lots of times when we pick and choose who we want to love or when we want to love.
Although we are called to love everyone the same, there are just some people whom we love more than others... not that we are conditional... but just that we are investing into their lives. Never-the-less, we must still constantly check our motives lest we start getting conditional with these people because they are closer to us. Constantly making sure that we do not start to require more of the other person than before.

"O God, help me to love others as you love me... and BE love...even as You are love"

2008-03-06T21:14:00.000+03:00

IF I KNEW
If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say 'I love you,'
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say 'I love you,'
And certainly there's another chance
to say 'Anything I can do?'

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear

Take time to say 'I'm sorry',
'Please forgive me,' 'Thank you,' or 'It's okay.'
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today

2008-02-10T19:27:00.000+03:00

I've learned....

That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

Got this from an email..

I guess its really true. Can't run away from facts forever. Ignoring it is just procrastinating to have to deal with it. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to face that giant... or one day, I'll be able to pull myself together to make something out of it. But whatever the lame excuse that we give, facts will remain facts... unchangeable...

I guess the best thing to do is to take it right when you first had to deal with it. Take it by the collar and grab a hold of it. Face your fears and get some help rather than run away and hide in a small corner where u think no one can find you.

Just when you think that that is all that you can do, you'll find that there is so much more to yourself than what you really see. God made you special... there is only one YOU... and that is definitely a FACT!

2008-02-03T21:21:00.000+03:00

Pain.... what does it feel like?

How can it hurt so bad?

Why is it so?

*sigh*

The sun seriously shines brighter..

the wind is breezier...

the grass greener..

when you're in love....

But when you're out of it....

Even the most beautiful day in spring

is the coldest, deadliest day in winter.....

(Budapest, 7:27pm, Colors Hostel)

2008-02-01T00:28:00.000+03:00

Live life to the fullest...

time is precious..

you never know what you've got till its gone...=)

-Prague, Czech Republic-

10:31pm

2008-01-22T23:35:00.000+03:00

EXCITED!!!!

Pumping hard as a rock...

The pistons of my beating heart work

In less than 24 hours

My mortal being will be far far away from here.....

My eyes wont close at night...

The anticipation keeps building up

Will i sleep tonight?

How will i pass the time til its time to leave?

Vienna...

Prague...

Budapest...

Berlin...

GET READY!!!

Cos here comes the princess...

and her royal regatta....

2008-01-22T21:49:00.000+03:00

MY 9th level of HEAVEN....(almost)

Last night, i spent a glorious 4 hours of my ubiquitously available time to make something I am super-duperly proud of myself of. =)

I started by peeling d almost 1.5kg of ginger... chopped them into smaller pieces and blended them till it was mush. Then squeezed the juice out of them into a bowl and resqueezed them again and again until every last drop of juice was in the bowl. (this I did with a lil bit of help frm Ck of course...=P) Then i dried the "secret ingredient" til it was brown.. and the ginger fibres too... before heating the pot for cooking the chicken doused well with sesame oil. In went the dry stuffies... mixed well with a wooden spatula which had remnants of Tom-Yam flavouring... and then... in went the juice.... and left to simmer on a low low flame. An episode of bones later... it was pipingly bubbling hot... and the taste.... SIMPLY HEAVENLY.

With a dash of black sauce and steaming hot white rice... aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh..... i couldn't ask for more.

That, my friend....

is my mum's infamous

Ka-Cha-Ma. =)

*hope all of you that got a taste of it enjoyed that.....*

2008-01-18T23:30:00.000+03:00

HOLIDAY MODE.....

yeah... the hols are finally kickin in.... and stuck in Kursk... well.. life is pretty predicatable...
I've got a list of about 12-13 things to do... things i wanna accomplish within the next couple of days before i leave for my long 18 day trip around europe... hehehhe... of couse some of them cant be done in such a short time (i.e. it s an ongoing thing... heheheh.. better stick to it tho..=P) and others have already been done.. even tho it is only my 2nd day of hols.. lol...
Among the things i wanna get done.. i've watched 1L of tears (11 episodes later..i probably made another liter somewhat... lol), started learning to write chinese (big thanx to my sifu)... started to think about the things i wanna bring on the trip (considered as packing de...), written the reply mail (and posted de.. hehehe... now waiting for the reply....), bought my shoes... (lovely white adidas with 3 turquoise blue stripes on the side... TOTALLY matching my jacket & my iPod... lol) and all the others haven't even been done yet. hmm... still gotta practice my dance steps and also bass... go skating... actually start dumping stuff into my luggage... watch 'How I Met Your Mother'.. etc etc etc....
But let me tell you what i have been doin lots of... lol... SLEEP... & EAT... n SLEEP... and... SLEEP... and EAT.... and...(you get the picture.....) that at least 3 guys have told me i look rounder.. even my dance teacher didnt fail to point that out to me too... hmmm.... need to go on a diet of some kind.... now lets see... NAH!!... dun really care lah... round sounds like a GOOD shape to me... hehehe....
kayz... i'm beats...try and guess what i'm gonna do next... i bet you're right.... SLEEP!!!! =P

2008-01-18T22:28:00.000+03:00

my last & BEST 22nd Birthday Gift...

3 days ago... just before my last paper... i dropped by one of my beloved sheep's place to collect a jap series from his roomie. hung about for a while and decided it was enough procrastination and i better get back to the books. As soon as i opened my room door, i heard SK calling me... she asked me to go back down again cos my sheep wanted to give me smth.... i thought tat was kinda weird... (why didnt she just bring it up and pass it to me then?) anyway... i skeptically followed her back down.. and upon announcing my re-arrival to the room, i heard an off-tuned "re-mix" version of :

"happy birthday to you... BELATED...

happy birthday to you.. BELATED...

happy birthday to Priscilla... BELATED...

happy birthday to you.. BLEATED!!!"

then my sheep JW handed me a lil neatly wrapped package tied with a white ribbon (compliments of SK) and told me it was a long overdue present... and that it was begotten for the trip... so i kindly asked if i could open it right there.. which was a no-brainer... of cos i could! lol... anyway... opening it... i gasped... and just couldn't hold back the squeeze... why?? cos i saw this!!!beautifully in turquoise... and the people that got it for me... just raised d sentimental value by hundred fold...AND about 3 weeks past my birthday!! what a lovely surprise.....=)
Well... i would like to take this space... to thank the lovely people who made my 22nd birthday so much sweeter....
Jer Wei (thanks for doin this for me..), Nicolson (thanks for all the nice things u always say to me...), Shan Kong (miss havin u as my sheep...n thanks for everything), Benj Ho (endless thanx for just being there...), Chee Khai (more than words can say....), Vivien SKY (roomie....you know how much appreciated you are...!!!), Swit Yen (another ex-sheepie... thanks), Richard (siu pork pork...=P), Michael (thanx thanx man....) & Mervyn (wah.. so much changes between u n ur bro sheep eh...i'm SO proud...=P)

*thank you thank you....

i LOVE each & everyone of u lots......*

(*you may not know it... but you mean the world to me...*)

2008-01-12T01:37:00.000+03:00

Proverbs 13:12

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

When that which you long for is kept from you... it either motivates you to keep going... or, after a period of time, cause you so much hurt you decide that maybe its no longer worth it. Those days are the ones when you shud not quit. Giving up is not an option. Its the shoice of failures. If you really want it, it is not impossible for God! Ask and it shall be given! In HIS great timing, it shall be granted to you.. or.. you might get smth better than what you hoped for!! =)

*what dya think?? Any comments?*

2008-01-08T17:03:00.000+03:00

WARREN BUFFET (2nd richest man... after Bill Gates..)

There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity. Here are some very interesting aspects of his life:

1. He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late!
2. He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.
3. He still lives in the same small 3-bedroom house in mid-town Omaha , that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence.
4. He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.
5. He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company.
6. His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis.He has given his CEO's only two rules.
Rule number 1: do not lose any of your share holder's money.
Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1.
7. He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch Television.
8. Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet.
9. Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk.

His advice to young people:

"Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself and
Remember:
A. Money doesn't create man
but it is the man who created money.

B. Live your life as simple as you are.

C. Don't do what others say, just listen them,
but do what makes you feel good.

D. Don't go on brand name;
just wear those things in which u feel comfortable.

E. Don't waste your money on unnecessary things;
just spend on them who are really in need rather.

F. After all it's your life
then why give chance to others to rule our life."

*don't you think it is so true??*

2008-01-03T02:16:00.000+03:00

TAGGED by my sheep..
hmm... still not sure abt what this tag thing is about.. but i assume that i'm suppose to fill in the same list.. so here it goes my beloved sheep sheep.. for you... =P

LIST OUT THE TOP 5 PRESENTS YOU WISH FOR:
- new phone (??)
- lots and lots of earrings.. none of them should be loop ones!!!
- new pair of sports shoes or boots or heels or..... =)
- unlimited cash for my upcoming europe trip
- a car (?)
LIST OUT THE REASONS FOR YOUR CHOICES:
- new phone cos my last one cant be turned on.. dunno whats wrong with it... so sad.. i miss my phone...
- ahh.. earrings.. never can get enough of 'em... hehehe... but as mentioned.. NO LOOPS please... cos they definitely dun look good on me... *sigh*.. they open at a weird angle that totally doesnt complement me in ANY way.. so yea... studds... dangling ones... pearly ones.. buttons... all others are welcomed!! =P
- shoes are another galore that if definitely welcomed anytime of day. as for now, im in desperate need of a new pair of sport shoes... but all other forms of shoes are also always in need.. lol.. stilletoes..ahhh....
- well.. travelling in a country that spends in euros while coming from a country where the curency is almost 4 times lower than the dollar... and 7 times lower than the pound... its kinda depressing... so unlimited cash would be nice to complement the enjoyment i would be having on the trip!!!
- hmm.. this one is also questionable. thats cos i JUST got my driver's probational license last summer... but im SUPER enthusiastic about goin back and driving.. hehehe.. people say it wont last long.. but i doubt it... hehehe... so.. a car... mini austin would be nice... proportionate to me size.. heheehhe...
THE PERSON WHO TAGG-ED YOU IS: Breezy
5 IMPRESSIONS OF HIM/HER
Very hillarious
Manages resources well
Punctual
Kindhearted
My sheep.. (that sums it ALL up =P)
MOST MEMORABLE THINGS HE/SHE HAS DONE FOR YOU:
For my last birthday, she gave me a "tong" of cookies.. which is sustaining me though my exam period!! oh sheep sheep.. wad wud i do without you? hehehe...
WHAT DO YOU DESPISE THE MOST:
Those who manipulate people for their own personal gain, those who ill-treat others...
6 PEOPLE YOU WANNA TAG
hmm... dunno leh... errr.... no need gua... everyone i know been tagged de... or sumwhat.. lol... *bluek*

2007-12-30T02:40:00.001+03:00

TRUE FRIENDS ...

(= a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection and loyalty. -Collins English Dictionary-)
- are angels that lift you to your feet when your wings forget how to fly.
- are there for you in thick and thin
- are ones that walk in when others walk out
- are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life
- are there to slap you..on the face when you need awakenin and on the back when you succeed
- are those that can open your fridge without asking permission and dun even feel guilty about it
- is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway
- are those that have enough info about you to blackmail you and still get away with it
- are there for you when they rather be anywhere else.
- is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words
- are ones who believe in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself
- are unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival
- are people that force me to examine & encourage me to grow
- is a single soul in two bodies
- are born, not made
- are what gets you through the bad times and helps you enjoy the good times
- is someone who reaches for your hand, but touches your heart
- is like a rainbow. They brighten your life when you've been through a storm
- are never apart, maybe in distance, but not in heart
- can sit together in silence and feel like it was the best conversation ever had
- brings out the best in ME!!

"True friendship is never serene."

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."

"Friendship: a building contract you sign with laughter and break with tears."

"A good friend is hard to find, hard to lose, and impossible to forget..."

"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."

"Material things can't make the soul whole. The only the love, trust, and loyalty of friends can do that."

"Friendship is not friendship without trust, without it I walk alone."

"Having someone who understands is a great blessing for ourselves. Being someone who understands is a great blessing to others."

"The most beautiful discovery that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart."

"To the world you are someone, but to someone you are the world."

"A friend will be there for you when things are good...but a TRUE friend will be there for you when things are good and also when things are very bad...and just when it feels like you will never smile again...she can put a smile on your face with just with a hug!"

*Dedicated to those who have made my life so much more colorful by just being in it...

THANK YOU!*

2007-12-24T00:10:00.000+03:00

Just want to take this time

to thank all those that tried to make my day special...

For the company i never had... i'm sorry...

For the thought that counted... i'm touched...

For the effort and time... words are not enough...

For the surprises... actions speaks louder than words...

Although it didn't turn out as i planned,

Not the least how i wanted it to be...

But i pray in my heart of hearts..

that my one wish would come true....

If not for me... at least for you.

*that short time was more than enough...

better than nothing...*

2007-12-14T18:29:00.000+03:00

MY TOP 10…

Favourites:
1. Turquoise
2. Earrings, Bags, Shoes
3. Clothes
4. Cuddles
5. Happy babies
6. Adventures
7. Ice-cream
8. Dreaming
9. Love
10. Christmas

Fears:
1. Snakes
2. Loneliness
3. Horror movies
4. Making others unhappy
5. Failure
6. Being 2nd best
7. Rejection
8. Making bad decisions
9. *can’t think of anymore!!*

Likes:
1. Snow-covered landscapes
2. Warm beds
3. Handwritten letters
4. Being told what to do
5. Observing people
6. Dozing off
7. Being creative
8. Surprises
9. Learning skills
10. Pampering certain people

Dislikes:
1. Peas
2. Being jealous
3. Being cheated
4. Overthinking
5. Figuring out a surprise by accident
6. Cloudy days
7. Feeling lost
8. Disappointments
9. Half-heartedness
10. Not knowing

Tends to:
1. Cry
2. Splurge
3. Burp at the weirdest times
4. Smile silly
5. Loose track of time
6. Glance at own reflection
7. Put others first
8. Over-analyze
9. Crave attention
10. Be a pig (sleep-wise & eating wise)

Needs to:
1. Wait patiently
2. Be less curious
3. Finish what I started
4. Not procrastinate
5. Make decisions
6. Be more gentle
7. Improve memory
8. Learn self-control
9. Be early
10. Tidy-up

2007-12-06T15:33:00.000+03:00

sum people asked me why i never up date my blogpage...

hmm... gud question... maybe this might help... :

MONDAYS

9am - 12pm Class

1pm - 3pm Russian class

*prepare homework & read for Shepherd's Meeting, update last weekend's finances,

write-up for AP, reply a mail or two...*

7pm - 8:30pm Shepherd's Meeting

*Eat dinner, shower & study!!!*

(Hmm... my mondays are not too bad!!!=P)

TUESDAYS
9am - 12pm Class
1pm - 3pm Discipleship#1

3pm - 4:30pm Discipleship #2

*grocery shopping or smth before heading home..*

GOTTA COOK!!!!

*Eat while watching a movie or series...shower, chat, linger here & there...

den plonk my ass down to study*

WEDNESDAYS

9am - 12pm Class
1pm - 3pm Discipleship #3

3:30pm - 4:30pm Leader's prayer

5pm - 7pm Carolling practice

(till Christmas is over la.. then i'll have this slot free)

8pm - 10pm Eklectic Shakers Extreme Omega meeting

(in other words, cell group lah...)

*Just enough time to do the usuals before bedtime...Eat, Shower, Study!!*
(Wednesdays are my busiest and longest days... -_-'' )

THURSDAYS
9am - 12pm Class

*sumwhere between the above & the below is Discipleship #4 *

6:30pm - 8pm Discipleship with Shep

8pm - 10pm Ballroom dance class

*the evening routine...*

simple & sweet =)

FRIDAYS

9am - 12pm Class

*Laze in 5th lah... til next event*
3pm - 5pm Lecture

5pm - 6:30pm Bass lessons

7pm - 9:30pm Generation Christ

*still have to go home and study leh...

hmm... its not the weekend yet... more like.. the week has just begun*

SATURDAYS
9am - 12pm Class

(*yes i know... it IS satuday... and YES...we have classes on Saturdays...*)
12pm - 2pm Group 28 lunch outing
*sleepyhead would like to catch some winks here...*
5:30pm - 10:30pm WCCI service
*Eat dinner, shower & RELAX!!!*
(and who said the weekend is here???)

SUNDAYS

(this is the ONLY day with variety.. yet it is packed none-the-less)
10am - 11am Creative Arts Meeting

1pm-2:30pm Finance Meeting

3pm - 5pm

Choose from:

Ushers' Meeting

Workshop

(of one kind or another)

Fellowship

(of one kind or another)

5pm - 7pm Carolling practice

*also until at least my birthday is over...*

GOTTA COOK AGAIN!!!

*or any other group 28 events... birthday dinners, celebrations...etc..

den its back to shower and reading up of smth for the week to start all over again...*

*so... which day sounds good to you?

*yawns...*

need to catch sum winks...-_^*

2007-11-28T22:26:00.000+03:00

Just want to thank you for today...

For being there to show you care...

Sorry if it did hurt you to see what you saw..

No harm was intended, yet it was just the way it had to be...

Hovering clouds were heavy above...

Probably waiting for the skies to clear...

Rain is still inevitable though it didn't have to be there..

Sorry for the redundant questions...

Didn't mean to force an answer...

Just an illustration to make my point clear.

Sorry if it placed you in a corner...

Hope it didn't hit a soft spot or made you wonder.

But all I wanna say...

Is a friend who is there for another is a true friend in deed..

When he is out and down...

Just being there is a million words in action...

Those kind of friends are rare and hard to come by...

Those kind of friends are ones whom I never wanna be without...

Those that will stick with you through the thick and the thin...

Those are ones that will be

FRIENDS NO MATTER WHAT!!!

2007-11-18T21:44:00.000+03:00

WHAT I REALLY WANT IN A MAN

Just someone who..
1. loves me for who I am..
2. willing to be there through thick and thin..
3. someone that gives me a reason to smile.. (even when times are hard)
4. makes me feel that the sun shine brighter, winter feel warmer, grass is greener..etc
5. trusts me & has faith in me..

but most important of all....
is not that he is all these... but that I BE THE RIGHT PERSON...that I too have all that I want him to have... =)

2007-11-18T21:12:00.000+03:00

WHAT I WANT IN A MAN

(frm IYC 2007)
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Finacially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

WHAT I WANT IN A MAN - REVISED LIST

(at age 32)
1. Nice looking (preferably with hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least 1 tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays & anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

WHAT I WANT IN A MAN - REVISED LIST

(at age 42)
1. Not too ugly ( bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off til I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good eough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

WHAT I WANT IN A MAN - REVISED LIST

(at age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose & ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same jokes too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks & fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name of occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

WHAT I WANT IN A MAN - REVISED LIST

(at age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where the bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for up-keep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he is laughing
6. Is in good shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft food
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that its the weekend

WHAT I WANT IN A MAN - REVISED LIST

(at age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

2007-11-13T22:54:00.000+03:00

Someone close to me shared this with me... really touched me... and it came at an appropriate moment too... just when i needed it most...

Let me be an instrument of peace…
Where there is hatred, allow me to show love.
Where there is injury, allow me to heal.
Where there is fear, let me have faith.
Where there is despair, let me offer hope.
Where there is sadness, allow me to offer comfort.
Where there is darkness, let me be a beacon of light.

thank you.... it meant a lot to me....

you mean a lot to me too

2007-11-11T13:19:00.000+03:00

Rantings....
Busy busy week has past... praying for a smoother week ahead. Now that the POP newsletter that I was kinda msaterminding has come out... not exactly as expected (but as some say... mass production lah.. waddya expect..) but I guess it'll do... =P
Lots of things in store for the coming 2 months at least... its the end of the year... my fav season is here again!! and so is a million other things that come with this time of the year. Celebration is in the air... Hooray!!!! =)
Now that I'm getting more sleep than previously, guess my brains have time to leisurely wander while i'm asleep... which is fine by me... love watching " movies" in my sleep anyway... as long as they are nice ones...
But last night i had a pretty thought-provoking one.. that made me wonder.... are dreamsa part of what the mind is thinking... or is it a way of our conscience telling us things... esprecially those dreams that we wake up with and the whole thing is still fresh in the mind... every single detail of it.. that if one ponders on it for long, may even seem like it is true.
hmmm... or is it the fiction of one's imagination... or the realisation of one's deepest fears... or just a form of relaxation for the brain... to mix and match all the memories collected thus far... the freedom to wander whichever way it wants... irregardless of the connection and triggering factors of memory itself... hmmm....
if so, then it should not affect other parts of the body in its relaxation... in its pleasure, to not cause pain elsewhere... right? but why then. is there such a heaviness then? one that is capable of squeezing the life out of you... one that leaves you breathless... one that shakes you back to reality... one that bares you to the bones.....................................................

hmmm???

2007-11-01T01:22:00.000+03:00

:: LESSONS TO LEARN ::

I've learned....

That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned....

That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned...

That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned...

That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned...

That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned...

That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

I've learned...

That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned...

That when you plan to get even with someone,

you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned...

That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned...

That the easiest way for me to grow as a person

is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned...

That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned...

That there's nothing is sweeter than sleeping with your babies

and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

I've learned...

That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned...

That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned...

That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned....

That one should keep his words both soft and tender,

because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned....

That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned...

That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

I've learned...

That when your newly born child holds your little finger in his little fist,

that you're hooked for life.

I've learned....

That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain,

but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned..

That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances;

when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.

I've learned...

That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

2007-10-31T00:27:00.000+03:00

Learning is a never ending process...

From the day you were born till the day you die,

You cannot cease to learn.

There are so many things that one still needs to learn.

Everyday, I still find things that i need to learn...

Things that i need to give up...

Things that i need to take up...

Things that i need to hold on to...

Things that require more than just me.

2007-10-25T22:21:00.000+04:00

:: A GLIMPSE OF THE INNER ME::

My favourite season of the year has got to be Christmas. Dunno why... maybe because its near to my bday... so that, coupled with a slow christmas tune...

the right setting and people.....

*ahhhhhhhhhh.........................*

anyway... was watching a series which had just the right amount of each element in it that i just couldn't stop the rain from falling. it poured out like the land was on drought... but it was out of joy... and what a relief it brought... it has been a long time since i had a good one... not of sadness or pain.. but one of exhiliarated joy and happiness.

I would pay anything to feel that way...

that ache in the corners of my soul... everything around me is more beautiful...

more meaningful... the grass is greener.. if you get what i mean.

I feel on top of the world... the best feeling one can ever feel... that everything will be fine... everything will work out just the way it is meant to be...

and of all that, I am just in awe that i can be a part of it... to be able to see the beauty and magnificence of the meaning of living this life... to just allow myself to be swept away in the waves of that very feeling.....

It doesnt require others to understand that feeling..

just smth that you and only you can feel...

2007-10-23T23:07:00.000+04:00

If one day suddenly i lose all my memory.. wad are 5 things dat i wanna remember again...??

I want to remember:

1. My name

2. That i am a Christian

3. My secret's stash...or box or diary or personal memo

(smth that tells me abt my life la...)

4. The sentimental value of things around me

5. My loved ones...

(immediate family members, close friends...buddies that mean the world to me...)

(The rest can be built from these from scratch again lahh...=P)

2007-10-17T15:59:00.000+04:00

(Olivia Newton-John)

If a picture paints a thousand words

Then why can't I paint you

The words will never show

The you I've come to know

If a face could launch a thousand ships

Then where am I to go

There's no one home but you

You're all that's left me too

And when my love for life is running dry

You'll come and pour yourself on me

If a girl could be two places at one time

I'd be with you

Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way

If the world should stop revolving

Spinning slowly down to die

I'd spend the end with you

And when the world was through

Then one by one the stars would all go out

Then you and I would simply fly away

*Lovely*

2007-10-09T20:36:00.000+04:00

*PRECIOUS MOMENTS*
Had a moment today..
A light refreshing drizzle..
Reassuring and welcomed.
That quantum of space and time..
The seconds tick by yet time stood still.
As the rain unbeknowstly fell..
Loud and clear was the call..
A wringing so tight..
That iron grasp of unfathomable strength..
Endurance..
Patience..
Silence.

2007-10-08T01:52:00.000+04:00

*from a K610i*
d net is still nt workin & it is totally amazin dat i can still update dis frm my phone!=P well,the weekend is over..somehow i'm glad to be bck in the routine of d week..whre thre are lots of things to be done.this past week was one tat i dont think i'll forget soon..for the many events that took place. my highlights:puffy-eyed nite, the circus, guests over for sleepover..fun time!

2007-09-30T01:34:00.000+04:00

Indifferent....
what does this word mean to you?
I've heard this word being used to describe me at least twice in the past week...
Is it good? Is it bad?
Should it be an insult or a compliment?
LoL...
But i CHOOSE to take it as a compliment...
(still gotta find out wad it really means la...=P)

2007-09-23T23:16:00.000+04:00

(smth i read sum where....)

No one falls in love by choice,

it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance,

it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by chance,

it is by CHOICE.

(was dya think??)

2007-09-21T11:35:00.000+04:00

:: LOST ::

Right now, that's all i can say about me. lol.... kinda weird right... that i am in a place that looks SO familiar i know it by the back of my hand.. and yet i have this feeling that i am lost. Directions are all muddled up. Its as seem as though someone pulled the plug of my memory, the part which points me in the right direction... the one that shows me where I need to be going. As time passes by, I feel more and more confused.. literally cant find my way home!!!

Is it possible to have it all back again into familiarity? Or will i still have to drift in this ocean of uncertainty and "lost" feelings...?

If I have to still remain here for a while... when can i get out of this? Is there any cure for it or am I doomed to remain in this state?

I know i need to realign my prorities right... Maybe that might be a solution to it... maybe i might be able to find some road signs which will point me in the right way. well.. what would you suggest i do?

2007-09-17T00:22:00.000+04:00

::MuSiNgS oF a WoNdErInG mInD::

sometimes, life can hurl cruel things at you... when you want it the most, you don't get it. but when you least expect it, not only does it turn up at your doorstep, it brings along with it its twin brother and sister..cousins and all.. to which you're down on your knees wishing it all never happened.
How can things that seem so great.. so wonderful...so amazing.. be in actual fact.. the most horrible thing to happen... something that if you're not strong enough.. may kill you... break you.. leave you in the wild... or.. on the other hand.. turn you into the warroior that valiantly survives it all... emerging victorious... and from it all, learn a million and one important principles of life.
I wish for many years for that which i saw in many others... smth which i assumed was only for a certain kind of people... and i wanted to be part of that which is in that kind... but i guess that was what i was not. But then, now that i have tasted it, i am in need of help... help that only one person can give... and that is the one and only one that i draw my strength from!!! how did i end up in this? i really cannot recall. Did i do anything to deserve what im getting? I thank God.. my parents... and all that have molded me to be who i am today.... for what they haf done.. for without all that, i think i would be the next inmate in a Sentosa hospital or smth.
People say: "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade out of 'em"... yea.. you can try... but please be aware that turning lemons into lemonades when you have open wounds is very painful too!!! its not a split second transformation when you make lemons into lemonade.. but a process... time consuming... effort taking... energy expending... and if you're not willing to pay the price of it... to calculate the cost of it all... then you'll be in for a terrible shock when you find yourself sucking in the sting of the acid on the wounds.
All i can say is that im praying that from all this, i will emerge one who is of greater stature in the One who made me what i am... n placed me where i am... and is there for me... IRREGARDLESS!!!!

2007-09-16T21:54:00.000+04:00

SUBTEXTS

Ever wonder how words can mean a million things... apart frm their literal meaning? We can say something... the meaning is quite clear... yet on the other hand, we actually want to convey another totally different meaning... and sometimes, it may be possible that the meaning we actually mean is the total opposite of what we are saying.

Ain't it amazing how our brain works out the complexity of it all... and is able to decipher it... albeit it may make a few wrong judgements... but then, most of the time, it has the ability to not only grasp the intended meaning... but also attach the other possible meanings that can be substituted if the first choice is wrong!

It also holds true for actions. The way we stand.. the face we show, the attitude we sometimes put on despite what we feel inside... its all trying to bring across yet another message to those that read it...

Its like another game of hide-and-seek... a secret thats hidden..yet so clearly portrayed... the irony of it... the curiosity that hides between the lines... the adrenaline rush as the mind ticks faster than the second hand on the face of a clock... the metaphor... the assumption...the exhiliaration...

of satisfying

the thirst of the soul

to arrive at a point where uncertainty evolves into

"KNOWLEDGE"

2007-04-12T00:42:00.000+04:00

April 2007

Its been a total of at least 3 months since i was last here. *Sigh* i really want to update here a lot more than that but i couldn't cos i didnt have the means to. But now, since i have internet access (even though its from someone else's comp and 1 floor away) i can try to update it more often!

Not dwelling on the unpleasant..... a quick update. We just had the Easter Coffee House Expereince.. i made choc chunk cookies and apple pie... of course not on my own.. with the help of many other people of course... and we all had a tremendous time! The whole week was just busy busy busy... running hither tither trying to get all the preparations done before the big day. On the day itself, even before the doors were opened, ther were already people queueing up outside the door. The whole thing was supposed to be from 12 pm to 6 pm... but by about 2, most of the stuffies had been sold out! only the cookies were left... and the chocolate cake which we had to take orders for.. and almost had trouble fulfilling it! (awlmost ran out of batter!!!) but praise God that all worked out well. That night, i was supposed to lead prayer in my room at 10 pm. i was so bummed out that i fell asleep until they came knocking at my door. up till that point, i was praying that they too would be too tited to come for prayer meeting but im SO glas that they came! during the prayer session, i had this "revelation" and that was just SO encouraging!

Its never a problem

Its just an opportunity for God's miracle to happen!

wow!! we were all so blest by it.. and by the end of prayer, i was 'aerosoling'. I felt like an aerosol bottle.. everything was so compacted in me that i was literally spraying bubles all over the place. I sms-ed my beloved shepherd and he sent me on a spraying spree!! hahahaha.. LOL..

The week before that was the Praise & worship nite in church which was a success.... many people just laid down their boundaries and stepped into the awesome presence of God. Aptly names Awe-Struck, with a hip-hop theme, many came well dressed. it was just totally fun!

Can't really remember what has happened before that...we're always doing smth fun around here. if its not the event itself, then its palnnign for it. Like on the 22nd of April, there will be a heterogenous cell group outing.. its going to be a BBQ at the riverside near our hostel... each cell group is supposed to prepare smth.. and my cell group (Eklectic Shakers Extreme - Gamma) is supposed to prepare salad for 40 ppl! hahahha... wonder what our cell group leader, who so happens to be one of my beloved sheep is going to make! hehehe...

Then in May, we will be celebrating our church's (WCCI) 5th anniversary. I can't believe how fast time has flown. we have been here for almost 5 years now. Its just exciting to see how much the church has grown. The leadership, the people in it, the events that we organise, the spiritual growth of the members... its just so encouraging! Gradually, as we all leave here, i pray that of not for anything, we will all remember our uni years as the years where our spirit-man soared on wings of eagles.. and prayerfully, it will stay that way or fly even higher!!

2006-10-18T22:11:00.000+04:00

THERAPY

as a medical student..and currently having therapy cycles at the moment, i'm kinda thinking... waht are d odds of me needing my own history taken? i mean.. i've taken 2 russian old man's case histories in d past 2 weeks.. and then just now on the way home, i was just wondering.. what if someone else took my history...would i be so compliant? answer all his questions as objectively as i could? would i rmbr all details or would tat poor guy suffer information biasness?? *sigh* (im crapping.. as you can see...)
On to better things... we're goin to have a Chirstmas musical this year!!! its smth new.. n i hope will be smth interesting too.. i mean.. we're all young n talented.. just tat we are all dr-to-be's...which make our mentality kinda somehwat similar.. LOL.
went to get winter boots just now..darn.. cost me 1700Rb (overRm200)...couldn't get any cheaper than that... tat also including a small discout already lo!!! sigh.. so expensive man.. n it getting more n more expensive to live in this place..i mean Kursk, Russia. Imagine what amount of food one can devour with a mere Rm10 (which in rubles would come to about Rb75-80)...a chicken cutlet will be Rb30.. a slap of smashed potateos will be about Rb 15.. a small bowl of salad will be another 30. thats already 75.. n i havent even gotten myself a drink!! the cheapest.. a tradisional fruit drnik... smth like ribena... but sweeter.. n sticker... Rb10. tats 85!! owhh.. i havent included soup... bread!! *sigh*.. conclusion: Russia is expensive.
owh.. tats just in MY place.. in Moscow.. its probably 2-3 times more expensive than here!! in a way, i kinda thank God that im here not there... owh well.. as from last week's sermon.. Love's attitude of thanksgiving... i will give thanks in alll my circumstances.. for there will be sum1 worse off than i am.

2006-10-09T00:17:00.000+04:00

FINALLY!!!

after a whole month of not having internet connection... i'm back in the e-world!! Lots have gone by without being accounted for.. but all's well that ends well. I've had 5 cycles already..::Endocrinology::Social Medicine::Russian Language::Dermatology::Opthalmology::(and coming next)Therapy::!!! All were ok ok la..not too hard, not too tough.. altho opthalmo had me reading til 4am almost everyday!!! *YaWn*
This yr i'm in ushiers' ministry and Creative arts..and of cos GC!!GC had its committee meeting.. and i'm in LCD department. Haven been doin it for the last 2 weeks.. n i feel like a social outcast. not beacuse im unsociable..but b'cos i have been too busy..1st-ly with the LCD n then the Financing after.. up to the point that sum1 has to put the laptop away for me!! heheheh.. but that said n done, i love what i do. It gives me smth to do..smth to be responsible over..hehehe... and now that im no longer in the Student body, i can spend more time with my Heavenly Father..(not that the job took up a lot of time either.. hahahah)
Mooncake festival was last friday... and we had smth on last night..that was funnie..about 20+ of us...Had potluck dinner.. n then games.. like lil' kid bday party.. hahaha... but we all had a good time.. n enjoyed ourselves..which was the main goal. (imagine 21-25 yr olds playing "musical chairs" or "blow wind blow"..get the picture?) But one of the interesting games we had that day was the "warm-up game" given some chinese name (ting tong tong? ting ting tong? i know it starts with a 'T' la...) It goes that one person starts and in the company of ppl, he has to find another which had smth identical with him..could be anything from clothes to phones to accessories...and then that person has to go find another one with smth ELSE that is the same with his... and so on.. but the highlight of that game that night was when d 2 guys were trying to get at each other..so instead of choosing sum1 else in the crowd, they just went atdifferent things that each other had.. until sum1 ran out of ideas..hahahah..LOL. that was funny.
Had my 1st finance committee meeting just now. Slept at 4 last night doin the report. Which today "bled" anyway...*sigh* i'll never get my numbers right. I bet if Debbie did it, she'll get it all perfect..she's so good with numbers!! But anyway, i did my best and they were minor mistakes (like putting Rb signs for USD accounts..hehehhe)
Owh.. in church today, they had an announcement for ppl who wanted to do babysitting for a Russian mum that used to attend our church..she was our church accountant before i took over. My hand shot right up.. hahaha... i miss taking care of kids..altho have no interest in being a Paediatrician later in life.. but who knows.. i might like it after my Paed's cycle ehh? hehehe... LOL. But anyway..what we have to do is take turns doing 2 hr shifts on Sundays... just for 4 hrs each Sunday.. unless 4hrs with a 7 mth old 10kg baby is fine by u..by all means.. hahahah...
Our group is thinking about the winter hols..altho it is short.. but we were thinking of taking a uick trip sum place...tentatively EGYPT!!! heheheh... see the pyramids.. n the Sphinx... n the sandy deserts... wow.. i'm excited!! plus they say its not too expensive... so yea.. maybe thats the place to be this winter.. sumwhere warmer than the -30 degrees of Russia!! hehehe..

2006-08-28T18:47:00.000+04:00

IYC '06

:: International Youth Conference 2006::

Last week (21-25th Aug) was d IYC'06. It was great... especially d msg... i really enjoyed n benefited from it very much! Apart from not having enough sleep, not enough nutrition, and constipation for 4 days, overall, i really enjoyed myself.. altho i would enjoy it much more if Debbie was there too... Last year at d National Youth Conference, our church sent about 30 participants... n this yr.. a meagre 9. But not the less, i believe we all profited lots from this year's conference.
As usual, it was not one of fun n games.. but continuous sessions.. each about 1 hour 45 mins long.. 2 sessions in d morning.. and one at night. In the afternoon, there were 3 workshops to choose from. I went for Liang's vocals on d 1st day, Jandre's Mime and Puppeting on d 2nd n 3rd day. It was lots of fun... n i learned new stuff which i can use in GC too!!! how kewl is that!!
There were a number of nationalities represented there... Australia, Indonesia, Phillipines, Solomon Island, South Africa, the Netherlands, USA, Hawaii, Namibia, etc etc... n of cos..MALAYSIA!!! heheheh...
Well... d last night, i slept at 6...(last yr, i didn't sleep at all!!!) n poor Ben had to stay up longer that he expected... but we had a good time chatting... hahahah... N thanks for d ride buddy... i appreciate that!! :D
Next year, will be going again.. hope to see some of the ppl i met this yr there again.. and yea.. will be back to see the same ol' buddies!! hehehehe......

2006-08-20T20:45:00.000+04:00

P@RC3L!!!!!!!

after a weekend away in the harbours of Santubong Resort for d leadership retreat, im now back at home.. in d comforts of my own room. (Cos there, i had to share a dbl bed with my bro... n he MOVES!! like... taking up practically 3/4 and abit more of d bed space... leaving poor me n ashley a pathetic small corner.. but it was fun la.. overall..heheheh...
D sessions were just great... i can sense that i have moved to a different level than before...i think it is becos of what we did thru-out d roadshow..n im glad about it!
Anyway.. upon reaching home, i was kinda disappointed to see that there was nothing in d mailbox except a letter for dad on sum insurance thingy...been expecting my sis' parcel for over a week since she told me to look out for it!!! Walked up to d door n saw d pile of letters from my dad's PO box tat my uncle dropped off for him...i took them in n sorted thru..i do get some...esp from the MMA (Malaysian Medical Association)..and then...there it was!! a small orange n white package... not too big.. not too heavy either!! abandoning ALL that i was doing (rather to my mother's annoyance..cos i was in d midst of unpacking my stuff to put to wash..) and ripped it open.
Each of d family members had smth :
MUM:
a beautiful fridge magnet for mums n a shared handmade card with dad...
DAD:
an equally beautiful fridge magnet for dads.. and d card with mum
JOE:
A handmade bookmark, a fridge magnet and a "secret message" pen...(which my sister tot tat he wud be d kewl-est kid on d block... but it turned out that most of d kids in his class has one except him.. n he was eyeing for one... but he claims tat his will be d best amongst the rest!! heheheeh... )
ME:
a lovely pink handmade card..with a lovely message..straight from d heart of a sister.. and a keychain that almost brought me to tears.. :P

i mean.. i always tot tat she never wanted me around... when i hung out with her & her friends last time, she would discreetly tell me to butt off in her own way... even last year, she still was giving me a bit of d cold-shoulder when i got a lil too close...
n to see this all gone.. but a bridge between 2 sisters separated by continents... (literally!!! IM in russia n she's in NZ.. one in d north hemisphere n d other in d south.. its literally at opposite ends of d world!!!) and i so wish tat it could all disappear... and that we can spend ..even for just a couple of days... a bit of time together...d laughter... d jokes.. d stories...
I dunno if she knows how much she's missed... (its not like she's not coming back) but if this doesnt change... it will be a good 3 more yrs at least before i see her in person again... and that is a bit too long... i dunno if i can cope.. but impossibilities are just not in God's vocabulary...
So pray n pray hard i will... that a miracle can happen... and tat we will meet sooner than we both can imagine!!!

on a different note....IM going to Muar for d IYC (International Youth Comference) tomorrow!! will only be back on Saturday evening..and im so looking forward to what we will receive this time!!! it will definitely be smth great!!!
not to mention getting d chance to meet up a few friends i made last yr... ooooo........... i can;t wait!!!

2006-08-17T19:27:00.000+04:00

Busy Busy Busy!!!!

This weekend onwards will be no rest for me... i have been looking forward to some action in my holidays ever since it started... but all d action also at d end of it wan... so sad.. but anyway.. i will be away from d cyber-world for a week.. not tat it will make any difference at all.. but still.. hehehe... just letting ya'll know ma.. heheheh..so d plan is this:
Fri-Sun : (Santubong, Kuching, Swk) FBC leadership retreat...
Mon-Sat : (Muar,Johor) IYC ::International Youth Conference::
Sun-Tues : Give d house a new coat of paint...
Wed : Dentist appointment to haf my b-e-a-UTIFUL teeth professionally cleaned...
Thurs : Leave for KL (*sobs sobs*)
Fri : Make student card (ISIC) & get sum stuff around.. maybe see wat's wrong with my digicam's batt...
Sat : I'm OFF!!! (*yay!!*) Back to brain-work which i am kinda missing.. hehehe..LOL

So yea... wat dya think?? ACTION huh... heheheh... well... thats all d time i haf tonite... i'm all packed for tomoro afternoon.. but in the morning i still have to go in for clinics... so yea.. beauty sleep awaits!!!

2006-08-07T20:52:00.000+04:00

~Social Attachment~

Today was my 1st day of my attachment to Dr. Tan's clinic. She is a Pediatric Specialist.. and has her own clinic so she had asked me to come in for a 'social attachment'. I was really looking forward to doing smth productive this week rather than just staying at home & basically doin nothing. Unfortunately, today, my brains still thought they were on holiday.. so they basically didnt function very well... but i think after a while, all they needed was a bit of warm up.. and i think i needed a bit more familiarity with what was asked...cos when it came to O&G questions, i had all the answers for her!! hehehe... (after making a fool of myself in the begining of the day... heheheh ) but its from your mistakes that you learn and make a better person out of yourself, right? and without mistakes, how then would you know where you actually stand? well.. at least i know my weaknesses now.. and yea.. i can correct it in the future!! :D

well.. i know its a bit odd, but i really wanna thank Mdm Angileva n Mdm Anna Borisovna for the ability to answer the O&G questions.. hehehhe... LOL

Anyway, my first day was interesting... i was taught how to connect congestions in the lungs with a road congestion...(dun believe they have anything in common? ask ME!! i'll gladly tell you now that it's stuck to my head!! heheheh )

owh.. and that the normal body temperature is 36.5-37.4 C!!! hehehehe... and that there is 20 teeth in the 1st set of teeth and 32 in the 2nd (not 24 and 36 as i was guessing.... )

well.. i'm just curious to see what other blunders can i come up with in the next few days!! hahahah... til then... PRAY FOR ME!!! =P

2006-06-04T18:25:00.000+04:00

EXAMSSSSSSssss................

The season every student detests.. not because of the exam part... but the fact that you have to burn the midnight oil...cramm in all that info in such a short period of time.. trying to find the best way to get ALL that info to stay..... not to mention... the FREAKIN' HOT weather...
Who would ever think that 3 years will pass so fast... 4th year... and after the 5 theoretical exams at the end of 3rd year... now its the unbelievably tough Operative Surgery........finally... but not welcomed?
Exam is in 3 weeks... do you think i will make it? Positive confession....

I WILL SIT FOR 1ST SITTING

I WILL DO MY BEST COS I HAVE GOD'S FAVOUR

I CAN FINISH STUDYING ALL THE QUESTIONS AND TASKS IN TIME

I WILL FINISH THE ALLOCATED QUESTIONS

I WILL SEE GOD'S MIRACLE THROUGH THIS

I WILL LEARN A LESSON FROM IT....

I CAN DO IT

2006-05-31T21:35:00.001+04:00

I looked out the window..

and i saw the beauty of the promise...

One that told the world it will never ever again

Be destroyed forever...

But to be told twice at once...

Its just...

*SpEeChLeSs*

(seeing double)

(the other side)

2006-05-25T14:47:00.000+04:00

Lets give it a try...
You and I...
We'll see how it goes from here...
Beauty of perfection...
A glimpse of the future,

Welcome to my humble blog.